And now, without further ado...

...the fantastical tale of the discovery of the BITWRATHPLOOB!!

It was a dark and stormy night. Marigoldie and I had braved the weather to plunder our favorite Denver Goodwill store in search of booty (no, not that kind). We ransacked the clothing racks and she went into the dressing room to try some things on. I wandered off to the magical part of the store known as The Place They Put Things They Don't Know Where To Put. And there, staring right at me, was the BITWRATHPLOOB. "Eeek!" I said. I picked it up and turned it over in my hands. I saw that it had no hands, just a circle of rope going behind its back. I saw that it was wearing an undoubtedly-handmade necktie. I discovered that its head would pop right off. "Eeek!" I said again. Snatching it up, I went to the closed door of Marigoldie's dressing room. "Look!" I said, holding it up over the top of the door. "Eeek!" said Marigoldie. Much giggling ensued. So much that neither of us could breathe. We took pictures of ourselves with it. We tried to figure out what it was. We tried to understand why anyone would make it, much less buy it. We were unsuccessful.

I should have put it back, but somehow we couldn't walk away from it. It had us in its evil power already. We knew there was only one way to break the spell: buy it and send it far, far away to torture someone else. But who? We looked at each other, and at the same time we said a single name.

"Jagosaurus."

So then we PAID(!) MONEY(!!!) for it and I took it home, and as soon as I could I went and PAID(!) MORE(!!) MONEY(!!!!!) (horrifying several Mailboxes Etc. employees in the process, I might add) to have it boxed up and transported to the magical land of Virginia to continue its dastardly work.

And the rest...is history.